Check out our Fall Events & Holiday Parties- Parties and support groups are being held in many of our offices.

OUR 2010 CALENDARS ARE NOW AVAILABLE!

Birthfathers: A Missing Link

When most people think of the adoption triad, they think of the birth mother, adoptive family and the child; but there is a missing piece to this picture. Birthfathers may be the most overlooked individuals in the adoption process, but it is important to remember that they have the same parental rights as the biological mother. Some birthfathers contest an adoption not because they actually want to parent the child, but because they are angry at being treated as if they didn't exist. The open adoption process welcomes birthfathers and helps them to identify ways to stay involved in their children's lives.

Birthfathers’ needs and wishes should to be respected and discussed in order to create a plan that is inclusive of all parties. Many birthmothers simply assume things will be easier if the birthfather remains unnamed. The birthmother may not even be aware that the birthfather has legal rights. She also may have personal reasons for counting him out.

No social worker, lawyer, or adoptive parent can force a birthmother to name the birthfather if she is determined to keep him anonymous, but it is always better   to include all parties when possible. 

Along with having the same rights as birthmothers, birthfathers are also entitled to the same services and counseling as birthmothers and are encouraged to take advantage of them. There are many social obstacles for birthfathers to overcome when considering adoption.  Many men believe that "real men keep their children" or that family and friends will think less of them for creating an adoption plan, but a responsible father is one who ensures that all of his child's social, emotional and financial needs are met by whatever means necessary.  Deciding on adoption is not shameful but an honorable, difficult and loving choice. 

By being involved in an open adoption plan and committing to an ongoing relationship with the child and the adoptive family, birthfathers are taking an active and important role in ensuring the well-being of their child. When children have little or no contact with their biological fathers, they tend to develop unrealistically strong feelings of love  or hate for them - casting birthfathers as heroes or villains. The ongoing contact afforded by open adoption allows birthfathers to develop realistic and balanced relationships with their children.

Adoptive children want and deserve to know their birthfathers just as much as their birthmothers. Both birthparents provide critical keys to a child's emotional security and his or her genetic history.

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November is National Adoption Awareness Month:
National Adoption Day is Saturday, November 21

As those who have been touched by adoption know, November is National Adoption Awareness Month.

This November, AFTH is celebrating the over 5,500 children who were placed in loving homes through AFTH since 1985, and the many more to come each year that passes.

As an effort to help spread awareness about adoption, AFTH reaches out to local libraries, book stores, and  coffee shops asking for them to celebrate National Adoption Month by giving out bookmarks and hanging up posters we have designed for this special month.

AFTH is also working this month, and every month, to get more positive adoption stories in the media. Last year, we had many families submit editorials to their local papers about November being National Adoption Month and what adoption means to them. We invite any families interested in submitting an editorial to their local newspaper about adoption this November to email KellyM@afth.org. Submitting an adoption- related editorial is a great way to participate in our National Adoption Month Awareness campaign.

For those families created through adoption, adoption is celebrated 12 months a year. Adoption is celebrated the first time you hold your child in your arms and then again each and every time thereafter. Children celebrate adoption when they sit down with their parents and read their favorite adoption focused children’s books. Adoption is celebrated in moments when you realize your child really understands the idea of adoption and how they came to your family in precious moments like mentioned in Gretchen’s column on page 10. Adoption is celebrated the moment your social worker calls you and says “you have been selected!”

Adoption is a celebration in itself. A celebration of love. Love that extends beyond biological ties and connects families through a common bond.

Whether you are still waiting for “the call”, celebrating your first holiday season with your child, or are beginning the adoption process for a second or third time, AFTH wishes you a very happy National Adoption Month and warm wishes during the holiday season and throughout the New Year.

Happy Holidays from the AFTH Staff.

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Humanitarian Aid: Call for Help

Vietnam Project for Children Left Behind

Although adoptions in Vietnam have shut down, the children left behind still need help. Tam Binh Orphanage has contacted us and asked AFTH to help them with a project to build a new facility for their handicap children. The project will include housing, new lavatories, physical therapy room, studying room and an activities room. In addition to raising money for the project, AFTH will oversee all the building plans through completion.

Tori Update and Continued Need for Help

AFTH has been collecting money to help aid a very special little girl, Tori. At only 9 months, when most babies are beginning to crawl, Tori began fighting for her life after being diagnosed with a rare and aggressive brain tumor.

Despite the many ups and downs since being diagnosed, this past July Tori celebrated one year post stem cell transplant when all of her post transplant tests came back normal.

At the end of August, Tori experienced her first day of nursery school. She was excited to go to school and make new friends.

Less than a month after Tori’s first day of school, an MRI revealed that she had begun to experience a set back. In addition to her shunt becoming clogged and putting   pressure on her brain, a substance appeared on the MRI and after more testing; her doctor believed this was a new tumor forming and not just a residual affect of radiation. Tori was admitted to the ICU and scheduled for surgery. Tori’s surgery went well, the shunt was revised and is now working properly. Tori has headed home from the hospital and her family is now awaiting the biopsy results to determine the next course of action.

As you can imagine, this has been very hard on Tori's family. Donations to help her family with the tremendous medical expenses not covered by insurance are still being accepted. Please make sure to designate the donation for the "Tori Fund". We want to thank you on behalf of Tori's family for giving as generously as you can.

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Legislation

RECESSION CAUSES DROP IN EMPLOYERS OFFERING ADOPTION BENEFITS - A July 16 Wall Street Journal article by Sue Shellenbarger, "Targeting 'Feel-Good' Benefits," reports that the number of employers offering adoption assistance had fallen from a high of 22 % in 2006 to 10% in 2009. The article notes that despite the recession, a few companies are starting to include adoption assistance among their employee benefits. Hewitt Associates finds that only 0.1% of employees take advantage of such benefits annually, so they are not typically expensive to implement.

ADOPTEES & BIRTHPARENTS ADVOCATE FOR ACCESS TO BIRTH CERTIFICATES - According to a July 22 article in the Philadelphia Inquirer, "Adoptees protest for access to original birth certificates," about 120 adoptees and birthparents protested outside the National Conference of State Legislatures annual meeting in Philadelphia. They advocated for state law changes to restore the right of adult adoptees to gain access to their original birth certificates.

HEP A VACCINE RECOMMENDED - On Feb. 25, the Advisory Committee on Immunization Practices (ACIP) updated its guidance by recommending hepatitis A vaccination for all previously unvaccinated persons who anticipate close personal contact (e.g., household contact or regular babysitting) with an international adoptee from a country of high or intermediate endemicity during the first 60 days following arrival of the adoptee in the United States," ACIP concluded. "The first dose of the two-dose hepatitis A vaccine series should be administered as soon as adoption is planned, ideally two or more weeks before the arrival of the adoptee."

VIRGINIA - A new Virginia law took effect on July 1 that allows enforceable "cooperative adoption" agreements between adoptive and birth parents. The law provides birthparents the right to seek to enforce these "cooperative adoption" agreements.

WASHINGTON, D.C. - An apparently ground-breaking law went into effect on July 18 in Washington, D.C. that allows the consenting spouse or unmarried partner of a woman who gives birth through artificial insemination to be the child's legal parent, and to be listed as such on the birth certificate. The Domestic Partnership Judicial Determination of Parentage Amendment Act of 2009 (A18-0084) also states that the partner in a registered domestic partnership - straight or gay - is the presumed parent when his/her partner gives birth.

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Supporting AFTH Through The United Way

Adoptions From The Heart is listed as a donor option and is eligible to receive contributions through the United Way Donor Program. Your United Way contribution to Adoptions From The Heart will help us to continue our dedicated service to adoptive families and birthparents.

How to Donate Make a Contribution to Adoptions From The Heart Through the United Way Donor Option Plan....

1) Request a Donor Option Card from your company’s United Way representative.

2) The agency’s donor number is different in each area. The AFTH donor number for your area can be found in your United Way booklet.

 PRINT: Adoptions From The Heart and the local branch office’s address (see back page of newsletter) on the card (you can do this even if it is not listed in your particular United Way booklet).

3) Enter the amount of your pledge and your payment method (e.g. check, payroll deduction, etc.)

4) Complete the form & return it to your United Way representative.

Thank you for considering us. We greatly appreciate your support!

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New CDC rule has devastating impace on internationally adopted children.

New CDC regulations have been instituted for China beginning July 1, which indicate that immigrants to the U.S., including adopted children over the age of two, must undergo a successive series of tests to indicate that they are free of TB, and if they fail the screening, they are required to wait until full treatment is administered in the country of origin before coming to the U.S. 

This means that many U.S. parents will be required to stay in the foreign country for an extended period of time (up 12 months or more) or be forced to abandon their child back to the care of the orphanage or find a foster family abroad that would be willing to care for their child. For an orphan the implications of this could be devastating; being once again separated from people they are bonding with and placed back in an orphanage or a foster situation. 

On a conference call held on August 7 between the CDC, Department of State, congressional offices, adoptions agencies, attorneys, various independent doctors, and children's organizations, the CDC asked a renowned expert to discuss the issue (Dr. Jeffrey R. Starke, M.D., FAAP of the Texas Children's Hospital). Dr. Starke immediately and definitively stated that there were only 2 reported cases in the world of a child having been known to transmit TB and that he could comfortably state that more than 99% of children with active TB are not contagious. TB generally is not considered infectious in children, as children don't have the lung power required to expel the germ. He stated that the culture tests on children are not reliable and implied that they are of little use in these situations. In addition people with TB are generally considered to be non-contagious within 2-4 weeks of taking medication. 

Natural born children of U.S. citizens are not required to undergo these medical exams to get back into the U.S., but orphans, now children of U.S. citizens, must languish in foreign countries and be denied access to U.S. healthcare. This is discriminatory.

We would like to see changes at the CDC. Either they have judged adopted children not worthy of the same rights and benefits as other Americans, or worse, have absolutely failed to consider the fundamental question of who it is they are writing these regulations for. 

In an attempt to gain support and advocacy on this issue in broader terms, Joint Council launched a petition requesting that the CDC change its protocols and more appropriately protect the health of America.

Another way to prevent problems like this in the future would be to pass legislation stating that internationally adopted children immediately obtain U.S. citizenship upon the finalization of their adoption overseas. If legislation like this had been in place, internationally adopted children would not be treated as an immigrants but as U.S. citizens and would be allowed to return to the U.S. with their parents.

Due to advocacy on the part of many adoption advocates, the CDC has chosen to revise its 2007 Tuberculosis Technical Instructions. The criteria described in these addendum Technical Instructions are based on physiologic aspects of childhood tuberculosis disease and children’s ability to transmit tuberculosis   disease. These criteria do not apply to adults or children with tuberculosis disease associated with higher levels of transmissibility. For the most part the addendum does help adopted children who are required to have a sputum culture to travel to the U.S. immediately after the test, even while results are pending. However, there are certain criteria that may keep the child in-country but the addendum also provides for waiver petitions to be filed. 

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Book Reviews

All reviewed books are available in our branch offices, online or you can order by calling Martha Colburne in the Wynnewood office (610) 642-7200.

You Can Adopt: An Adoptive Families Guide: by Susan Caughman and Isolde Motley - From Adoptive Families magazine, the country's leading resource on adoption, this warm, authoritative book is full of practical, realistic advice from leading attorneys, doctors, social workers, and psychologists, as well as honest, intimate stories from real parents and children. It is easy to read and follow and answers questions that you may not have thought of. A great place to start for parents just looking into adoption and also a great book for parents already in the process. Topics include, where to start, costs, the wait, accepting a match or referral, what happens if the adoption falls through, how to talk to your children and much more.  AFTH price $12.00

Mommies, Daddies, Donors, Surrogates: Answering tough questions and building strong families: by Diane Ehrensaft - An extraordinarily sensitive yet comprehensive book about the issues raised when building a family through assisted reproduction. She covers everything from the fears and fantasies of parents-to-be to whether, when, and what to tell children about their origins. There are many books out there on this topic but this is one of the best we have found. Extremely insightful and helpful. AFTH price $15.00

The Great Call of China by Cynthea Liu - In the Great Call of China, the main character, Cece, who's an adopted teen, has more important things to focus on. She wants to learn more about her heritage, maybe even find her birth parents! Reading Cynthea Liu's enthusiastic depiction of Chinese culture, as well as the intersection of Chinese and American cultures, made me want to hop on a plane tomorrow. I especially liked reading about the Terra Cotta Warriors in Xi'an. Liu's secondary characters in the book deserve a shout-out; my favorite was Jessica, a Chinese-American who struggles to follow her own dreams instead of her parents' demands. Great read for teens and girls who think there's more to life than Juicy Couture. A YA novel with real substance.  AFTH price $8.00

In their Siblings' Voices by Rita J Simon & Rhonda Roorda - Shares the stories of twenty white non-adopted siblings who grew up with black or biracial brothers and sisters in the late 1960s and 1970s. These siblings offer their perspectives on the multiracial adoption experience, which, for them, played out against the backdrop of two tumultuous, politically charged decades. This book helps readers fully grasp the dynamic of living in a multiracial household and its effect on friends, school, and community. While the times have changed race does still matter in America and this book reminds parents to be racially conscious and not pretend that the world is now color-blind. AFTH price $23.00

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Program Updates

Heartbeats -  We held our first Webinar focused on Embryo Placement in August and attendees found it very informative. The Webinar gave attendees the chance to learn more about the program and ask an AFTH counselor any questions they had. Webinars specific to the Embryo Placement Program will continue to be held monthly. Anyone interested in attending to learn more can to register for the webinar via the online event calendar at www.afth.org.

The India Surrogacy Program, another program of Heartbeats, is also now up and running. We hosted our first information meeting focused on the India Surrogacy Program in September. We were pleased to have a representative from Surrogacy Abroad Inc., our partnering agency for this program, come and lead the meeting.

To learn more information about either our Embryo Placement Program or the India Surrogacy Program, visit us at www.afth.org/heartbeats.

DOMESTIC  - We continue to be busy counseling pregnant women but are now seeing an increase in women contacting us to place their older, toddler age child or children for adoption. If you are interested in increasing the age range of the situation you would be accept on your home study and profile key, please contact your social worker. 

We would like to encourage you to review the current Education Series and attend as many as possible. We always have very positive feed back from our families who attend these sessions.

Adoptive Parent support group meetings are being held in every office, please come and meet other families from your area, get updates on our programs and hear adoption related topics.

CHINA - For the time being, it is best for readers to subscribe to the AFTH China Updates list serve for   information on this program. There have been a number of changes decried by the China Center of Adoption Affairs (CCAA) and AFTH is looking into various of options that will best serve our families. Please contact your local office for instructions on joining if you are not already subscribed to the list serve.

RUSSIA - It is with great disappointment that AFTH is no longer accepting applications to this program. AFTH’s Russia partner agency, CWAA, lost its accreditation in Russia and, consequently, being unable at this time to refer additional Russian children for adoption by U.S. families. AFTH’s Russia partner agency had been accredited in Russia since 1995, and had never before lost its accreditation. It was 1of 5 U.S. adoption agencies to have had its Russia accreditation revoked in August. 

Per the Russian authorities, the revocation was due concerns related to an adoption that occurred 3 years ago. That particular adoption has “disrupted” (meaning that the child is no longer living with the adoptive family). While “disruptions” are the exception in international adoption, they do unfortunately happen occasionally due to circumstances with a child and family. However, given that 4 other U.S. agencies also lost their accreditation around the same time, it seems that what happened to AFTH’s Russia partner agency may be part of some larger agenda.

What has taken place does not have any legal impact on adoptions that have already occurred. As such, it remains essential that families that have adopted children from Russia continue to comply with their post-placement commitments. And, fortunately, what occurred did not impact cases in which families had already traveled to Russia and officially accepted referrals. So, 3 more Russian children who had been referred to AFTH families were able to be adopted, and have since been placed with their adoptive families.  

Needless to say, AFTH’s Russia partner agency’s loss of accreditation was a blow to families that had not yet received referrals. AFTH has been able to offer recommendations for alternative processes to these families, and will continue to support these families in their adoption plans. AFTH will continue to monitor developments, and to assess the viability of reopening this program in the future. The AFTH Russia listserv remains operative, and updates will continue to be sent out as circumstances develop.

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Holiday Gifts for Birthparents

Families from our domestic programs planning on sending gifts to their child’s birthparent(s) to AFTH, we ask that all gifts are sent before Thanksgiving. This will give the agency enough time to process and send the gifts along to the birth parents. Remember Harrisburg mailings should be sent to the Lancaster address and Hazlet mailings to the Cherry Hill address. AFTH also asks families include funds to cover the cost of shipping the gift from our office to the birthparent’s address. We appreciate your consideration in this matter. Please make sure to include your full name on the packages to ensure that we send them to the appropriate family.

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AFTH Agency & Office News

Pittsburgh Annual Picnic

Over 500 people joined the AFTH Pittsburgh staff for a day of family fun at Idlewild Park for their 9th annual picnic. Children were visited by Ricky Raccoon during lunch and after gathering together for a picnic, families enjoyed a beautiful day at Idlewild. We were pleased to see   families from all of our international programs as well as families who adopted through our domestic program. And we were especially glad to welcome several birthparents to the picnic to reunite with their children and their adoptive parents. Be sure to get your AFTH beach towels before next year’s Idlewild picnic. We look forward to seeing everyone again in 2010.

Connecticut Moved

Same Programs...Same Great SocialWorker...New Location.

Adoptions From The Heart's Connecticut Office has moved. Our emails and phone number remain the same, only our fax number and address are different. We invite you to stop in and check out our new location

New Address:2389 Main Street, Glastonbury, CT 06033

New Fax Number: 860-659-1625

Become an AFTH Facebook Fan

AFTH now has a Fan Page on Facebook. With over 200 fans and growing, AFTH created a Facebook Fan Page to increase awareness about adoption related issues and concerns as well as to announce upcoming AFTH events and meetings. If you have a Facebook account, we invite you to become a fan of AFTH. We welcome discussion and sharing about adoption related topics. To find our fan page, log into your Facebook account and search “Adoptions From The Heart" or click here .

Stay Up-To-Date With AFTH Email Blasts

In an effort to Go Green while continuing to keep families and professionals in the loop of upcoming activities and events, AFTH is now using email blasts as the primary source of dispersing general information. Email blasts are a great way to spread the word while saving paper! In addition to quarterly E-Newsletters, email blasts go out to inform families of holiday parties, Asian New Year Party, summer picnics, advocacy needs, education series etc.

 To be sure that you are not missing out on AFTH email blasts, please visit the Newsletter Section of our website and subscribe your email address. You will then be able to select the type of information you want to receive AFTH notifications about.

Love Builds Families Blog

http://afth.wordpress.com

AFTH has a new blog and is looking for adoptive families, adoptees, and birthparents to share their stories and experiences for additional blog posts. We are looking for blog posts about any topic surrounding adoption that you think would benefit other members of the adoption triad or anyone considering adoption. It can be a brief write up or a longer story. If you already have a blog, send it to us so we can link to it and vice versa.

Here are some example topics to help get your creative juices flowing: school experiences, transracial adoption topics, meeting your child’s birthmother, in-country experiences, scrapbooking, creative ways to finance adoption, experiences of your extended family related to adoption, etc. The list goes on and on.

Send your blog contributions to: HeidiG@afth.org

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Musings of an Adoptive Momma

Miles of Mamma Memories
By Gretchen Boger-O'Bryan

This summer Maeve and I shared a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity as we piled into the car with my mother - three generations of girls - and hit the open road. Our ultimate destination? A visit with my sister in Arizona. We'd decided to make the journey as memorable as the destination and vowed to drive only two-lane roads or smaller, and take the route we wanted, no matter how indirect.

We left New Jersey on a ferry bound for Delaware, then began to drive the coast: Maryland, Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina and Georgia; in Florida we'd hang a right and head through Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana, Texas and New Mexico before reaching my sister in Arizona.

On the return trip we'd see the heartland, hopping onto Route 66 as well: New Mexico, Texas, Oklahoma, Missouri, Illinois, Indiana and Kentucky; we'd veer  south to take in the rolling hills of West Virginia before crossing into Pennsylvania and, with a click of our ruby red shoes and an EZPass swipe or two, we'd be home in New Jersey.

Making this trip with my four-year-old daughter and mother was something special - full of girl power, of course, and many laughs, fun discoveries and extraordinary moments - even some adoption-related.

It wasn't lost on me that I was sharing an adventure with my daughter - one in which I would watch her grow and experience slices of small-town America - and her first mother B, wasn't alongside her to take it all in as her everyday mom.

B missed watching Maeve's eyes widen at the sight of wild ponies on Virginia's Chincoteague Island. (From here on, all animals spotted from inside the car during the 6,000 miles we covered were immediately deemed "wild" - "Mama! Look, wild cows! Wild sheep!")

he also missed being evacuated from a North Carolina aquarium when the fire alarms sounded and fire trucks rushed to the scene. After worrying about the fish, Maeve decided they were safe in the water because, after all, water puts out fire.

As we sat in a cart pulled by mules along the charming streets of Charleston, South Carolina, Maeve counted palm trees, delighted in spotting other carriage rides in the distance, and got personal with a mule excitedly licking Maeve's shirt - seems it had remnants of maple syrup from breakfast! B couldn't hold Maeve in her arms and giggle about that.

In Georgia, Maeve hit a milestone in the pool - jumping from the side into the water and my nearby arms - without holding a hand. It was me there to gush and shower her with pride.

Maeve ate her first clam and her first fried green tomato on this journey, which also found us on a swamp boat in Louisiana searching for alligators. The next morning's breakfast featured a zydeco band, a raucous dance floor and such culinary adventures as beignets and boudin. Maeve studied every move being made on the dance floor. I knew how much she wanted to be out there - a day doesn't pass for her without dancing - but she couldn't bring herself to do it. I could so easily read her tortured thoughts - a result, of course, of being her everyday mom.

At Texas' Cadillac Ranch, Maeve stood in awe at the row of cars, colorful with graffiti, planted hood down in the middle of farmland. While tourist folks in the know brought spray paint to leave their mark, this three-generation road trip team, savvy after weeks on the road, had to leave its tag after some improvising. Maeve has learned how to write her name - but I  certainly hope that trying to do so in peach nail polish, on an old Cadillac, alongside her mom and grandma, remains one of her childhood memories.

Oklahoma proved surprisingly quirky - from its sort-of famous blue whale, a now-defunct swimming hole still beloved by the locals who fish from it and play inside its two-level belly - to the largest cement totem pole in the world.

There are many stories of adventure to share, and more than a thousand wonderful pictures - but there's one  snapshot I will forever keep with me, and it didn't happen with a camera around my neck.

In between silly splashes and watching tiny lizards scurry by my sister's pool, Maeve said matter-of-factly (with some words running together and lost): "Mama? When [B] had me from her belly … couldn't take care of me … but Gretchen and Thomas … mama and daddy …"

I stared in disbelief. Then, with a swell of excitement, she sing-songed: "and that's how I found you!"

Four years of sharing her adoption story, keeping B a topic of conversation in our home and photos in her bedroom of them together, and this was the first time Maeve raised the topic herself. It was bittersweet. Happy and relieved we'd been doing our job, ensuring her story is part of her. Sad as she now begins to process her loss.

The adoption wheels of her mind have begun to turn and while I'll not always be able to read her mind like that morning at the zydeco café or provide every answer to every question, I'm grateful to have the information we do, the contact with B we've shared, and hope that holds some of the peace she will seek in the future.

For now, though, we'll continue to take each adventure - and surprising moments of clarity from a four-year-old - as they come, embracing the quirky places, the surprising finds and the small but oh-so-cherished moments that make up our family's journey.

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Gretchen Boger-O'Bryan was placed with her infant daughter in July 2005 through Adoptions From The Heart. An editor in legal publishing, she also is a freelance writer and currently writes about adoption and first-time parenthood on her blog, musings: mamahood&more, at www.mamagigi.wordpress.com. You can reach her at mamagigi@comcast.net.

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